I talk a lot about marriage around here. Mainly because, well, I’m married. And, in many ways, that might be a disqualifier for what I want to talk about today. But, don’t write me off just yet.
Recently, I’ve noticed a common theme in the lives of my single and unmarried gal-pals and it’s something I feel led to address.It’s a damaging practice that I see consistently in the lives of single women and I want to bring it into the light and do my best to shed the truth on this misconception.
I know it’s easy to roll your eyes at a married woman addressing singleness. But, I can assure you that before this girl called herself a wife she walked through a difficult season of singleness. And I want to clarify that this post is not about explaining what you’re doing wrong and how fixing it will help you find love. In fact, this post isn’t about solving the problem of singleness in your life at all. What I want to discuss is how you might be missing out on singleness by waiting around for your love story.
One last disclaimer: I am not just writing this to you single gals. I’m also talking to you ladies in long-term relationships, maybe with one ring on your left hand but no wedding date. Because, in my experience, you might be making the exact same mistakes despite your relationship status. So, whether you call yourself single at the DMV or in every day conversations, this post is for you.
Your Life Is Happening NOW
I have watched a handful of ladies put their entire life on hold because they are waiting and praying for a husband – refusing to get their own place, start their career, or make a life-altering decision like moving to a bigger city or starting a business because of the lack of gemstones on their left hand. This brings so much sadness to my heart.
Your life is happening now. Ring or no ring. You do not have to know when your wedding day will be in order to get your own place, move to a new city, or start that side-hustle you’ve been dreaming about. You can invest in real-estate, start a non-profit, or be a missionary without having a marriage license. Whoever led you to believe that marriage is what will finally propel you start your life, greatly misled you.
An engagement ring or a wedding is not a permission slip to finally do and be all the things you feel called to – you have the opportunity and power to do that RIGHT NOW.
Too often I see women waiting in the lobby of their life for some guy to come along and tell her it’s okay to step in. Even girls in long-term relationships tend to do this — waiting around for a that grand engagement to finally feel capable of starting a life. Friend, you can step in on your own. You can start planning and living your life without the assurance of an upcoming nuptial.
You Are Not Half Of A Person
You are not on a search to find the person that completes you. You are a whole, complete person.
Even if you were only half of a person or incomplete in some way, no man on this earth could complete you. No human being has that power.
Rather, there could be someone out there whose personality your own would compliment. But, you do not NEED that person in order to be the person God has called you and created you to be. Your fullness and wholeness is found in Him, which means it’s readily available to your whether you have a date this weekend or not.
Marriage Is Not The Ultimate Arrival
Not in the least. And if you are engaged or dating with this sort of mindset then you are in for a lot of disappointment the day after your wedding. Because once the dress is packed away and the wedding gifts are all opened you will realize that this new title does not fill that void in your soul.
Marriage is not the end-all, be-all. In fact, it’s a heck of a lot of work. Joyful work, of course. But work nonetheless. Which means it’s a RESPONSIBILITY. And it doesn’t mean that your life is now free from stress, worry, trials, and feelings of inadequacy or discontentment. Marriage will not improve your body image, heal your acne, or make you love the same job you’ve hated for three years. It will challenge you to be selfless, test your patience, and place a mirror in front of all of your personal flaws and point out all the ways in which you need to improve.
We tend to view marriage as an age-significant right of passage. Graduate high school + college degree + post-grad job + marriage + kids = full and happy life. Subtract 10% for every year you age without gaining those last two. But, I know so many women who are missing many of those additions and still have a full and happy life. An older friend of mine never received a college degree or had children and she is one of the happiest people I know, exuding the sweetness of a young girl rather than the assumed bitterness of a childless woman on the verge of retirement. I have friends who spend their days as Stay-At-Home Moms without a single shred of desire for a corporate career and they are incredibly happy. And, I know single women who are abundantly joyful. Why? Because they know the only equation for joy that actually adds up. You + Jesus = A full and happy life.
Stop Waiting Around
Friend, you do not need know who your husband is or when you will meet him to start living your life. If there is one thing I can look back on and say for certain I do not regret, it’s stepping out on my own while I was single. I got my own place, moved to a new town, and focused on my career. I stopped thinking that Prince Charming would show up in my home town and whisk me away. Instead, I set out on my own and proved to myself that if Charming never came, I would be perfectly fine on my own. And wouldn’t you know that after all of that, when I finally accepted the potential outcome of being on my own for a long time, I met my husband. And he didn’t complete my life. He became a part of my already complete life. And because I don’t hang my identity and worth on him, I can love him so much better. I can love him for who he is, rather than how he makes me feel.
So, stop waiting around. Go find your life. Live as the complete and whole person you are. And if someone comes along who wants to be a part of that, great! And if not, then you are still a complete and whole person.
Looking for a little encouragement during your season of singleness? Hey, I totally get it! That’s why I created a bucket list for single gals to help them embrace this season and start to focus on what they feel called to do. If this sounds like something you might need in your life, CLICK HERE to download the list for FREE.